I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?