I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
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this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
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Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.