just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you traded sex for a burrito?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.