I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
