Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
