the day after is always just damage control
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
