The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
