He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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