it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Sorry about my life...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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