so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
