You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
pop tarts are not kleenex
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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