I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
