I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
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Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
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There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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