New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
there is glitter all over my balls
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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