i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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