weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
