I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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