He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
