so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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