For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We had to coat check the pizza.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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