Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He did a backflip because drugs
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
