i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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