I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
