we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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