He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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