Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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