If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
