Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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