Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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