you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
