best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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