I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
