you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
