We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
