I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
