Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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