when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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