I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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