Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
