call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
