Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
