Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
