I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
