i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
