Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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