i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
