Barsexuality is the new black.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
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The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
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