he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
