Already got asked if we're dating
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
