My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
