Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
