I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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