somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
there was a trapeze. enough said
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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