quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
