just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
