Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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