If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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