things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
