i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
