I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
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last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
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She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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