Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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