When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
