I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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