can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
