Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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