I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
