I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
