youre lurking in front of me
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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