she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
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ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
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Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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