Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
