dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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