i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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