I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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