We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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