I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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