I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
